12 December 2023
Working from home with our child in the house
Let’s say you’re at home with your child (ages 4 and up) and you have to work. Or you want to take a break and “steal” some time for yourself by reading a book, or doing anything else that relaxes you and ‘recharges your batteries.’ What could you say to your child to encourage them to focus on their play and not interrupt you?
Let’s start by saying that it’s not easy for a young child to leave you completely alone for a while. So, some precautions are needed to prepare them.
Before starting your work, take care of the following:
First of all, tell your child directly that you need some time to yourself and that it is important that they do not interrupt you. Show them the clock and tell them when you will be available again and where the hands of the clock will be when you are finished. Even if the child does not know how to read the time, they can figure this out. Also, tell them that if an emergency arises, you will be immediately available, just make it clear to them what situations you consider urgent with a few examples.
Before your personal time begins, it is a good idea to have taken care of your child’s needs, eg. hunger, thirst, etc. and to have taken out some toys that he can engage in in your “absence”. Also, make sure that he can play safely in the space.
Before you withdraw, also make sure to do something fun with your child for ten minutes where you make them laugh out loud, or hug them and show them all your love and affection. This will help them arm themselves with the necessary emotional resources to stand on their own while you are busy.
You can also ask your child if you can watch him play for a while and take the position of an observer, admiring the way he plays.
‘How nice that you put all your dolls in a row!’ ‘Wow, how fast that car goes!’
Share his enthusiasm, but without directing the game and without making corrective interventions. This is a way to show your child how beautifully he plays alone so that he can continue in this pattern by playing creatively and delving into his game. This way he understands that you don’t always have to be by his side in order for him to have a good time when he plays and that the game is not necessarily better when you are there.
No matter how you play, it is useful to start a game together before leaving the child alone, until the child is absorbed in what he is doing. This way, it will be easier for him to let you go and get on with your work.
If your child interrupts you while you are working or resting
The first time you ask your child for some alone time, it’s normal for them to interrupt you a few times. When they come to you for any reason, gently tell them that it’s not yet time for you to be together again, and get on with your work.
Show empathy:
I understand that it is difficult not to be together sometimes, but I am sure that you will find something very interesting to do, I can’t wait to see what it will be! And as we said, if something urgent comes up, you will come straight to me and tell me!’
When we recognize our child’s feelings and he feels that we understand him, they magically disappear! Your encouraging words will help him continue the difficult effort of relying solely on his own resources for a while. And remember: it is good for him to have to manage his free time alone and overcome his boredom by finding something creative to do. Boredom forces children to become creative, and through this process they develop their imagination and discover their personal interests, which are very different from child to child.
If he is inconsolable, tell him to sit with you while you work – without disturbing you, of course – and that when he is ready, he can go play. He will soon get bored and decide to leave on his own.
The next time you need some time to yourself, it will be much easier for your child to handle it. It is important for him to know in advance what to expect.
When your time is up
Once the time you agreed with your child is up, even if you still have work to do or a few pages to finish the chapter in your book, stop and get up. Don’t keep your child waiting, keep your promise (unless it’s really urgent to finish your work or you see that your child is absorbed in his game).
It’s good when you reconnect to do something nice with your child, as a reward for making this important effort. Don’t forget that it takes intensive effort on the part of the child to leave you alone for a certain time and it’s good to recognize it with a nice game of his choice that you will play together or with a fun activity. The time you spent apart is a form of separation.
The next time you ask him for some time for you, he will be looking forward to the moment of reconnecting with you.
If fights arise between siblings
If you have to leave your children alone for a while, there is always the possibility that they will fight. They should know from the beginning that it will be difficult for you to intervene in a fight and that they will have to resolve their differences on their own if they arise. This gives them an extra reason to want to cooperate and try to avoid conflict on their own, which helps them practice peaceful coexistence with each other now and in the future.
However, if one of them happens to come to you at the agreed time, crying or shouting because he fought with his sibling, try to keep your cool and say in a calm tone:
‘I can’t help right now, but I’m sure you can work it out between yourselves. We can talk about what happened as soon as I finish, all together.’
If they agree to handle the fight on their own, that’s fine, but if the situation has gotten out of hand and the chances of them finding a solution are close to zero, then all you have to do is intervene in their fight in a supportive way, listening to both sides and helping the children find a solution together with you.
In all these ways, you not only show your children how important personal time is to you, but you also help them to function independently for a while, relying solely on their own resources.