Why it’s OK for kids to believe in Santa Claus… and what really happens when they discover the truth

The excitement of his coming trip down my chimney made me feel ecstatic – so much so that I stayed up all night waiting for his arrival. I got out of bed so many times that my parents finally put me in their bed to prevent me from going downstairs to see if “He” had come yet.The fact that they were able to find a moment to place their presents under our tree without me realizing it was nothing short of a Christmas miracle.

I, of course, did not detect their concern in my great joy. I never imagined that someone other than Santa put the presents under our tree every year or that he wasn’t the one who ate the cookies and milk I put by the tree for him.I wouldn’t realize until a few years later that my parents were the ones behind my Christmas miracle. They were able to maintain the Santa Claus myth for nine years before I realized it.

According to various academics, parents, and general Santa critics, these were nine long years of lies that could damage my development and relationship with my parents.

Santa Claus remains a controversial figure among many scientists and parents. There are countless books on the subject, including The Myths That Stole Christmas, which claims that the Santa Claus myth is bad for children.The main argument is, understandably, that telling children about a magical figure who gives presents to children all over the world on Christmas Eve is a lie. This lie may be supported by good intentions, but it is still a lie, which will inevitably be revealed at some point in a child’s development.Finding out the truth can be traumatic for a child, this argument goes, and will send the message to children that they cannot trust what their parents tell them. Furthermore, lying to encourage good behavior in children is manipulative and encourages children to behave well for the wrong reasons.

There is some evidence that rewards (such as Christmas presents) undermine children’s motivation. So maybe relying on Santa to promote good behavior isn’t the best strategy if you want your kids to be good all year round.But there is no evidence that finding out the truth about Santa Claus is traumatic for children – or that it leads to trust issues between children and their parents.

Yes, the Santa Claus myth is a lie and all children will eventually learn the truth. Research on the subject suggests that children tend to figure out the truth about Santa on their own around the age of seven –in most cases, there isn’t much indication that parents shamefully confess the truth to their horrified and disappointed children – the children’s reactions are generally positive.

My own memory of finding the truth about Santa is in line with these investigations – it was less like a traumatic revelation and more like solving a puzzle. I collected all the facts in my head: Some children in my class tell me that there is no Santa Claus.Why then does he come to my house and not theirs? But if there is no Santa Claus, how could my parents hide all these presents from me? This logic led to a search mission in my basement and attic, which eventually led to the discovery of a doll and a truck that my mother had not yet wrapped.I had solved the mystery–and it was a good thing I figured it out on my own. I even kept a front on my belief in Santa Claus for another year, to give my parents more time to deal with the fact that their little girl had outgrown her beloved childhood fantasy.

But imagination in general is a normal and healthy part of children’s development. Children spend a lot of time pretending, especially between the ages of five and eight. They are also constantly exposed to media where animals can talk, people can fly, and objects magically appear out of nowhere.Why should a group of flying reindeer be more fantastic than a talking mouse or a singing snowman? Although magic in thinking declines between the ages of seven and nine (about the same age at which most children abandon the Santa myth), it does not disappear forever:Sometimes we adults need a little magic in our lives too, when we succumb to our prejudices, when we enjoy the excitement of “haunted” houses and when we say prayers to our loved ones who have died.

How do children eventually learn to distinguish fantasy from reality? Most of the time they rely on what others say – what researchers call ‘testimony.’ Children need to rely on their parents’ testimony because they still have a lot to learn about how the world works. They also rely on evidence to support whether something is fact or fiction.At a very young age, all evidence (eg, what parents say) and evidence (eg, toys under the tree, missing cookies and milk) point to Santa’s existence.At some point, children begin to acquire both testimony and evidence that contradicts this belief, either from talking with their friends, or from knowing the physics of what is possible and impossible. They will challenge the old evidence,they will search for new clues and eventually discover for themselves that Santa Claus is not real.

Some of us don’t invite Santa Claus into our homes because we don’t celebrate Christmas, or because we choose other holiday traditions. Others embrace Santa Claus without any religious overtones and others combine Santa Claus with the nativity scene. Whatever you decide, telling your kids the truth about Santa is unlikely to hurt them or your relationship.For me, the legend of Santa Claus was a fascinating part of my childhood that added a magical feeling to the holiday season – a feeling I’ve been missing for quite some time. Now that we’re on our second Christmas with a child of our own, I’ve found that the magic of Santa has suddenly returned.Sometimes even adults need a little magic in their lives and I’m thrilled to have the magic of Santa Claus back in my own life for the first time in over 25 years.

So enjoy the magic of the holiday season, however you choose to celebrate it.

LoBue, Vanessa, Ph.D. – Why It’s OK for Kids to Believe in Santa Claus… and what really happens when they figure out the truth.