12 December 2023
What should I do when my child is frustrated that he does not succeed?
Reading time: 2′
We are all tested by setbacks in our lives, but some have greater strength to overcome them. This is called mental toughness.
How resilient we are depends in part on our genes. But we can also learn to be more resilient by directing our thinking and training our brain to act accordingly.
Phrases like, ‘I can do it,’ ‘I did it last time,’ ‘no matter what, I will find a solution,’ ‘when things are difficult, I know where to turn’ are characteristic of a person with resilience.
But how can we help our child acquire it?
When he feels he has someone by his side no matter what happens
First, if a child feels that he always has someone close to him who will protect him no matter what happens, then he feels ready to try something he has never tried before, to take risks, to explore.
Of course, when he encounters a problem we should not rush to solve it ourselves. Instead, we should resist our urge to step in and stand by him so he can make it on his own, showing him we understand. We can suggest solutions to the problem, for example ‘I wonder what would happen if you did this.’ Give it ideas and let it try, without manipulating it.
When he can control his emotions
In difficulties and setbacks, the child is tested with strong feelings of disappointment and frustration, and may lose courage. The better control he has over his emotions, the more he will be able to withstand disappointment when he loses, irritation when he doesn’t achieve something, or keep trying when an action is too demanding.
How can we help our child to control his emotions?
First, by exemplifying it ourselves. We can also talk often about feelings and how we handle them, and of course, accept all of our child’s feelings, even when we have to set a boundary.
Setting limits
Limiting according to positive parenting is done by staying firm on our limit, but at the same time, by helping the child with his dissatisfaction. A child who has experienced disappointment and each time had our help to overcome it, feels much more ready to overcome any disappointment.
Words of encouragement
- What you are trying to do is not easy at all.
- Nobody knew everything from the beginning.
- Everyone would be struggling if they were you.
- Practice helps us succeed.
- You’ll make it, you’ll see.
The power of YET
The power of YET
We can also use the word YET like this:
- You don’t know how to do this YET.
- You’re not as good as you’d like to be YET.
- You haven’t made it YET, but you will if you try hard enough.