8 March 2024
Triggers: When an old experience triggers excessive reactions
Reading time: 4,5′
Recalling or reading about how our emotions function, we learn that difficult emotions, when acknowledged and experienced, lose their power.
On the contrary, when they are suppressed and pushed away from our consciousness, they are not consciously processed and controlled, resulting in them becoming stronger and more pervasive. All of this results in us carrying emotional “baggage” because we didn’t feel safe to process what we experienced either recently or during childhood.
When this baggage accumulates, we experience anxiety and fear, and when something happens, potentially unrelated to our past experiences, we are emotionally triggered. For instance, a woman walking down the street gets accidentally bumped by another passerby, who then apologizes. In that moment, the woman reacts angrily and starts yelling. She believes the source of her anger is the other woman. However, this is not the case. Simply, an old experience where someone once didn’t give her the necessary respect is triggered by this incident.
All the above are encompassed by the term “trigger.” Essentially, a trigger is the catalyst, the moment that triggers the emergence of the past experience. As living beings, we usually choose between flight (not reacting at all), fight (getting angry and fighting), and freeze (numbing our emotions by eating, watching screens, etc.). Usually, anger is the predominant reaction, leading, for example, to yelling and punishing the child for not tidying up their toys.
The body constantly tries to heal from its wounds, on its own. One way someone manages intensity is by yawning or laughing loudly. Laughter is liberating in all cases. Also, crying acts as a pressure relief valve. However, if someone strongly resists crying, because they might view it as a show of weakness, anger steps in to fill that void. However, difficult emotions remain within and fester. Thus, someone may argue with their partner to release and relieve themselves from the triggered emotion. However, if not relieved from the difficult emotions and instead represses them, the friction will inevitably continue.
Emotional baggage in children
According to the same mechanism, the “emotional baggage” works in children. A child tries to give their best at school, in an environment that doesn’t feel as familiar as their home. There, the teacher scolds them for not remembering history well, and during break, the other children don’t let them join the basketball team because they were late coming back from the toilet. All these emotions the child experiences are not addressed and go into their “emotional baggage.” Once the child returns home and feels safe again, and the mother asks how school went or tells them to wash their hands for dinner, the child explodes, and the shouting begins. The mother feels that her child is attacking her and starts to counterattack with shouting and threats. The child’s emotions are not “heard,” and thus they go into their “baggage” until they remerge.
If, of course, the mother knows how to manage the situation and does not attack the child, but embraces and listens to them, their feelings will be heard, crying will replace anger and nothing will pass to the repressed, since the “backpack” it will be empty now.
Are we all people with triggers?
Yes. Most of us belong to this category unless we have done a lot of work on ourselves. No matter how caring and present parents we’ve had, there will always be something that we experienced which was overwhelming for us and couldn’t be processed immediately, causing it to be repressed.
For instance, the experience of having an older brother in your family, who hits and yells, trying to handle being jealous of his younger sibling, is enough for you to “freeze” at the sight of your older son attempting to hit your little daughter for a toy.
Effectively Dealing with Triggers
“Notice the emotion
But refuse to take action
Instead, surround yourself with love
And simply let it be felt.”
The difficult part in this is to realize and understand that what I am experiencing now is not a real emotion, but rather it is the reemergence of my past that is causing all of this. Thus, it requires appropriate treatment.
The key is to listen to and understand our bodies and what they have to tell us. We go through the process as slowly as possible. It may sound a bit frightening, but it truly works and leaves a sense of redemption and liberation. Of course, if for any reason you feel pressured or that it’s something too deep for you to handle, don’t hesitate to seek help from mental health professionals.
Here are the steps
- Sit comfortably, take deep breaths, and try to keep your center of gravity stable.
- Try to feel well-being and safety. Think about things you are grateful for. Surround yourself with love and light. If it helps, use mantras, small words, or phrases that calm you, or a mental image.
- Now, recall the event that upset you. You don’t need to connect it to your past experience. You may never understand what that old experience was that triggered the event. Keep your attention on your body. Notice your body’s reactions. Stay focused there and breathe deeply at the same time. Focus on your reaction. If you want to freeze your emotion by eating, don’t do it. If you want to argue with someone, ignore it. Try to resist these urges. If you want to get up to check your phone, don’t do it. Keep breathing, embrace yourself, and tell yourself that you will succeed. You will manage it successfully! If needed, return to steps 1 and 2. That’s it. You did it! Every time you experience this feeling now, it won’t have the same power anymore. Now you can feel compassion for yourself and for the child and approach issues differently because you have felt compassion for the child you once were.
Dealing with triggers is a constant challenge throughout our lives because they stem not only from our childhood but also from everyday life. Each time they are addressed, it is a step towards improving daily life. And most importantly, you are now ready to welcome every emotion.