13 August 2024
Tantrums
Reading time: 2′
A very difficult and uncomfortable moment that every parent experiences is when their child has an outburst of anger, whether it is at home or outside, whether it is in the morning before school or during the night.
It is common and more frequent in younger children, after the first year of life, it escalates quite a bit at 2-3 and slowly subsides after 4. There are of course exceptions, children who at this age do not have such strong outbreaks and children who continue this behavior even at a much older age, maybe because they haven’t learned to manage their emotions, or maybe because we haven’t taught them that ourselves.
The prefrontal lobe, which is responsible for regulating our reactions and emotions, has not yet developed, so anger is expressed unfiltered and strongly. It starts to develop at 3 years of age.
Outbursts of anger or tantrums are usually quite intense and short-lived and with an appropriate reaction, they quickly subside. But there are also meltdowns or emotional breakdowns that are much more intense, last longer, and at times, the child, due to the tension, can even fall asleep. It can also happen when the child is faced with many stimuli. Tantrums may hide a need behind, hunger, thirst, fatigue, a cold.
How to handle it
It is very important when we face such a condition to remain calm. Thus, the child will have a proper role model to emulate to learn self-regulation. If we are outside, we try to ignore those around us, and focus on our child. There is no reason to worry if they look at us or give us advice. We observe our child and try to see what is happening. We always speak to him in a soft voice and touch him only if he wants to. We don’t leave him alone, even if he asks us to. We stay by his side so that he is not left alone with his anger. And of course, our key is empathy! After the child has calmed down a bit, in our warm presence and a few words that restore safety (‘I am here,’ ‘you are safe’) we try to understand and sympathize with our child, offering words of empathy, even if what he is trying to do, sounds ridiculous to us. This is the only way we can manage difficult situations and secure our relationship with the child.
An older child, over 8-9 y.o., can be left alone for some time to calm down, but it is important to always go back to the child to help her with her feelings.
The most hopeful message was kept for the end. IT WILL NOT ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS! The child will grow up and manage all these stressful situations on her own.