Resilience: raising a child that can face anything

According to research that has been done in previous years, data look favorable for parents: 

• A good parent-child relationship is a very important weapon against the appearance and treatment of stress. It also helps a lot in developing the child’s sense of security and in increasing their resilience. 
• Genetic factors such as predisposition to stress are likely to influence resilience. 
• Although genetic factors play a role in resilience, there are many environmental ways for this skill to be acquired and mastered by child. 

Often, parents think that resilience is built through experiencing defeat. This is not true. Resilience is built by teaching the child to properly deal with defeats when they experience them. 

• Cultivate child the feeling that it is safe to discuss everything, to manage every difficult situation and every big feeling with you. In this way, subsequently they will learn to manage them independently and will not suppress them in their subconscious. With a sense of security, the children’s nervous system stops being so sensitive to situations that cause frustrations and pain, and thus, the child has time to process and deal with them, overcoming them more quickly. 
• It is very important to help children find a solution to their problems by themselves and not to give them a ready-made solution. When we solve their problems, it’s as if we believe that they are not capable of doing it on their own. We can give them the support they need as they strategize to solve the problem and then let them act as they think . 
• A magic word that can go a long way 

• # in boosting a child’s confidence when frustrated is the word “yet.” 

“You can’t go up the slide by yourself, yet.” 

“You can’t reach the high shelf, yet.” 

• It is very important for a child to accept all the feelings they have. It is the way they can, with our help, process them, and the more times they experience understanding from us, the more resistant they become. 
• It would be helpful to support the child to gain new skills and knowledge and then let utilize them on their own. This builds up their confidence and self-esteem. We can consider their interests to teach them new skills that they may find interesting. This is another reason why it is good for children to stay away from screens. In this way, they can discover their own interests without being influenced and make our work easier. 
• Our goal when the child achieves something, is not for it to be perfect. Effort is the most important thing that must be rewarded. It is good not to correct the child, because in this way we cause a blow to their self-confidence. We can point out what they did well, even if it’s something very small, because this will give them courage to do better. 
• Let’s not scare the child when they are trying to do something and let’s acknowledge that it may be difficult for their age. Let us be there to offer help where needed. This is difficult in practice, because many times, we cannot face our own phobias and become overprotective, but it is worth trying because the child’s self-confidence is our most important goal. 
• There is a fine line between giving the child the freedom to do things on their own and allowing them to feel like they are failing. If we leave the child completely alone they may fail and feel abandoned and unsupported. On the other hand, we don’t want to always provide an effortless solution for them. The best solution, as we mentioned above, is for the parent to intervene in the process of finding a solution. 
• Encouragement! Another very important concept. We constantly encourage the child for almost everything they have to achieve. For difficult feelings, for easy ones, for something they want to try, or for something that they find difficult to do. We give them the words so that they alone can also encourage themselves. 

“I’ll make it!” 

“I will try again.” 

“Next time I will definitely do better.” 

“With effort everything can be done. Trying is what counts.” 

• It would be best to avoid criticizing the child, and when we encourage them, to not do so with short sentences, but to describe the process to them. Instead of simply saying “good effort” we can say: 

“You worked very hard to learn how to skate. Well done.” 

“You tried your best and your math homework came out perfect.” 

“You’ve worked hard all this time, but you finally learned to ride the bike.” 

What is worth remembering is that growing up, a resilient child will become a happy adult. So let’s not forget that: 

“When life hands you lemons, make lemonade and enjoy it.”