12 March 2024
Overprotection and Its Effects on Adult Life
Reading time: 3′
It is natural to want to protect our children from every danger. Sometimes, however, we overdo it.
As much as our intentions are good, we cannot protect our children from life. Nor should we desire to do so. We have an obligation to educate our children to face life and its challenges with courage.
Sometimes, the help we offer them may satisfy our own needs to feel capable and important—it may be our own deep need. Or the lack of confidence in our children that they cannot handle things on their own may be due to our lack of confidence in our own abilities. In that case, how can we expect the child to do it on their own?
Whatever the reason why we become overprotective towards our children, unfortunately, excessive protection has serious consequences that extend into adult life.
Low Self-Confidence
Overprotection discourages children. It’s like telling them they can’t do things on their own and that they need us for everything. It makes them helpless and dependent. They learn to rely on us and others instead of themselves, later in life.
Shielding our children from being affected by a problem deprives them of the right to find a way to deal with it.
The greatest encouragement is recognizing that our child can handle anything. Conversely, a child who has learned to always rely on our help and guidance does not develop a healthy self-confidence and belief that they can succeed.
Anxiety, Fear, Aversion to Risk
The fear that makes us overprotective is also acquired by children as they grow up. After all, if we fear so much that something might happen to them, then the dangers out there must be significant, at least that’s the conclusion a child draws. Thus, they become anxious.
Fear stops us from trying something new, from exposing ourselves, from taking risks. Children who grow up overprotected may develop an aversion to risk and may not engage in activities they believe they won’t succeed in. Over time, such an attitude can deter them from taking on leadership roles and becoming active citizens.
Success and happiness do not depend on eliminating risk but on managing it correctly.
Lack of Skills
Studies conducted on university students revealed significant lack of skills to deal with various situations. Growing up overprotected, children become less equipped to face the demands of adult life. An example is the social skills a child develops through interactions with other children during free play. Overprotection also obstructs the smooth expression of childhood curiosity.
Psychological Disorders
Research has also shown that overprotection leads to a higher risk of certain psychological disorders, such as chronic anxiety. A child who is not allowed to take risks or make their own choices is forced to suffer from anxiety when faced with the harsh realities of a chaotic world.
Many studies now confirm that chronic anxiety during childhood often leads to anxiety, depression, and other mood-related disorders during adulthood.
When do we become overprotective?
- When we help our children with tasks that they can manage on their own (e.g., dressing).
- When they ask us to do something and we don’t let them because we don’t believe they can do it (e.g., climb a tall slide or complete a demanding task).
- When we hide things from them or tell them lies because we believe they can’t handle it (e.g., a health issue, the loss of a relative, a visit to the pediatrician).
- When we don’t let them solve a problem on their own and we intervene by offering the solution ourselves (e.g., in an argument).
- When we decide what they need at any given moment without them asking for it (e.g., put on a jacket).
- When we constantly monitor them and tell them to be careful about everything.
- When we try to tightly control their environment, their friends, their activities.
The overprotective parents of young children often develop into overly controlling parents of adult children. The more we can overcome our own fears and trust our children, the better equipped they will grow up to face life, succeed, and be happy. With faith in themselves, with knowledge and skills, with courage and without fear of the unknown.