Mantras: the magical phrases that help us stay composed

Therefore, apart from the actual word ‘calm’, we can use other words or phrases that will help us escape from the battle situation, compose ourselves and face each situation with calm and prudence. These phrases are also referred to as mantras, and we say them to ourselves. The more we repeat them, the more we believe them. With repetition, our brain is somehow ‘convinced’ that it is true. Repetition strengthens the synapses that dictate these thoughts and thus, they now become reality. For example, if we tell ourselves ‘I deserve love,’ or ‘I’ll make it,’ or ‘I’m a good and capable parent,’ often enough, we’ll not only believe it, we’ll start acting as if it is already true. 

So these phrases, the mantras, act as an antidote to our worries and our inner judge. It is the key to being able to turn a stressful and unpleasant situation into a calm and pleasant one. It is also the way to push away thoughts and feelings that do not serve us in times of anger and tension. 

Some examples of phrases that may help a parent are: 

• It’s not urgent! 
• Do not take it personally! 
• He acts like a child simply because he is a child! 
• I choose love! 
• I choose peace! 
• I am a good and capable parent! 
• I’m not having a hard time, my child is having a hard time! 
• Only love and understanding for today! 
• My children need my love! 

• It’s a bad moment and next week I’ll have forgotten about it! 
• I breathe in love, I breathe out love! 

We can repeat these phrases to ourselves even out loud, in front of the child. It is possible that the child will mimic us and do the same when they happen to be upset, to calm down and avoid the fight. 

Once we find the phrase that suits us and touches us, we can write it down on pieces of paper and stick them on the fridge, on the mirror, in the car or on our work computer. The way to find the right phrase for us is to brainstorm and create a list of options. Then let’s prioritize the ones that are most likely to suit us and start testing. Questions like “What do I need to hear when I’m angry?” “Is that something that will calm me down?” are helpful for coming up with ideas. 

Of course, in addition to a phrase, it could also be a mental image, or a mental situation. 

According to its official definition, a mantra is a sacred utterance, a mystical sound, a syllable, word, phoneme combination, or group of words in Sanskrit, believed by believers to have psychological and/or spiritual powers. Some mantras have syntactic structure and literal meaning, while others do not. 

These phrases, combined with the Stop-Release-Breathe self-control method, can help us stay calm in the crises we face with our children, and therefore, react in the way we would like to rather than spontaneously and uncontrollably, thus regretting it later. 

Read also: 

Stop, let go, breathe: the foolproof method to keep our nerves in check 

Parenting Group