26 February 2024
How yelling affects children
Reading time: 3′
If you yell at a child while they are cycling fast and accelerating towards a ditch, you protect them from an important danger. But what if you yell at them every day about school, clothes, behavior or in general in an attempt to set boundaries as a parent?
That’s where things change. The term “yelling” refers to the volume of the voice as well as the content and meaning of the words used, because, for example, someone can yell, or can say something with a lower voice yet insulting, degrading, or hurting. A parent, for example, may criticize the child while using a lower tone, such as you are lazy or stupid for not doing well on the test”, or even compare them to other children.
The biological side effects of yelling
Neuroscientists have extensively researched the effect of yelling. Firstly, when children, but also generally people, perceive that someone is shouting at them, their body immediately goes into fight, flight or freeze mode.
The brain’s amygdala, which is associated with our instinctive reactions, reacts to negative emotions, and the prefrontal lobe, which separates our emotions, loses the ability to do so. We go into a state of arousal and adrenaline and cortisol increase in our body so as to be able to deal with the threat.
Whatever the situation the child gets into when we yell at him, fight, flight or freeze, the consequences of yelling are negative.
The psychological side effects of yelling
First, yelling does not correct the behavior we want to change. On the contrary, it strengthens or makes it worse. Research by the universities of Michigan and Pittsburgh has found that children who are exposed to an environment with yelling are more likely to experience depression, indifference to school, delinquent behavior, anger outbursts, anxiety disorders.
Also, daily and systematically yelling at the child, automatically breaks the parent-child relationship. Respect ceases to prevail and the child loses their trust towards the parent. Thus the distance between parent and child increases, placing their communication at risk. Our only weapon for proper parenting is our relationship with the child, which we must keep healthy and alive.
Another important issue that arises is that the self-confidence of the child may crumble. This is something that negatively affect their school performance, their interpersonal relationships, their social interactions and place them at risk of being bullied. Especially, if yelling is accompanied by negative characterizations.
If yelling convinces the child to finally cooperate with what is being asked of them, this will only be due to fear. This motivation, apart from being flawed, is also transitory because along the way, the child will want to take revenge and will again shift to doing the opposite of what is being asked by the parents.
Finally, by yelling at the child, we are modeling the wrong behavior. The child is likely to then perpetuate this behavior to their future partners, friends, children or in general towards their environment. In addition, the child becomes resistant to yelling and violence, which can result in apathy towards these behaviours.
Why do we struggle to stop yelling?
Because, in all likelihood, we also learned to yell from someone else. Our grandparents and parents may have grown up considering yelling as acceptable. In the past, it was quite common for this to happen and there was no research to show us that this is the wrong way of approaching children. People who grew up in strict environments, reproduced this type of behavior in their children.
With knowledge and intention, we can break the cycle of yelling and bring peace and quiet into our lives. Even if we yell at our children, now is the time to turn this around. Nothing is irreversible or irreparable. Everything can be fixed through will, consistency and the right tools.