16 January 2024
How to manage our children’s screen time
Reading time: 4′
A few years ago screens weren’t a problem because they simply didn’t exist.
Now, managing screen time has become one of the biggest challenges for parents.
Here we will not discuss the type of content that fascinates our children and keeps them glued to the screens, whether it is videos, or a game, or an episode of a series. Instead we will discuss how a parent can set limits to their child’s screen time
Our own behavior as an example to follow
Screens are addictive for both our children and us. So the first thing we need to do is to first make our own relationship with our mobile phone or computer healthier, so that our child trusts us when we tell them that it is necessary to limit screen time. Thus, we try to avoid interrupting other activities to check the mobile, especially when what we interrupt is the game or the conversation with our children.
Are there age specific limits on screen time?
Unfortunately, there are still no conclusive guidelines by age regarding the amount of screen time that is safe for children. Therefore, parental confusion is natural. The guidelines of the American Academy of Pediatrics are very broad (1) and it is left to each family to decide how to handle the issue of screen use. In the article ‘How screens affect children’ the scientifically supported opinion of the American screen expert Victoria Dunkley provides direction for parents and her book Reset Your Child’s Brain contains the necessary knowledge to understand the risks and decide what you want for your family. In general, it’s a good idea for young children under the age of 10 to spend time using screens only during weekends, and even then with specified time limits.
When our child won't close the screen
A little boy, age four, plays a game on the tablet:
-Turn it off my love, half an hour has passed.
–Okay, I’ll play another round dad and wrap it up.
– Agreed, just one more.
[time passes and another round of game ends]
-Okay; It is done; Turn it off now.
– Just one more and I will!
It is possible that the child will ask several times for ‘another round’ and we usually give in to this request. In fact, this is a way for our children to not only extend their screen time but also test our limits as parents. But when the time that we have decided is enough has passed, we just have to turn off the device, regardless of the child’s reaction.
If the child is used to this being the amount of time they are entitled to, then they will cooperate and turn off the device much more easily. If, on the other hand, they are used to “turning us around” and doubling their screen time relative to what we would like it to be, then his reaction can be much more intense when request that they turn off the device. In these cases, it is important to remain firm, allow the child to express dissatisfaction and stand by them with understanding. If they feel that we understand how hard it is for them to turn off the screen, they will soon accept it and move on to something else. It is useful after a while that we suggest another activity, such as a walk outside, playing in the room, cooking for the evening or something else.
As with any time we set a boundary, it is important to speak to the child with empathy to ease their acceptance. Phrases like ‘I know it’s a lot of fun,’ ‘I know how much you like it,’ ‘it’s hard to turn it off when you’re having fun..’ ‘but the time we agreed on has passed’ will give the child the message that we understand them and that their sacrifice is acknowledged.
For more on effective boundaries, read “How to set boundaries for our children that are… respected!”
From 10-11 years of age and onwards
From pre-adolescence onwards, things are a bit different. At that phase the child must cooperate on their own and respect the rules we have set. Teenagers can end up spending most of their time in the digital world, avoiding the real one as much as they can, if we don’t set clear rules regarding the use of the devices. That is why they are the most sensitive age group that is particularly prone to screens. In this case, a family council is warranted wherein children have the opportunity to express their personal opinion about their screen time and to set its limits together with their parents. Both sides, parents and children, may need to accept some compromise. For example, children may agree to a little less time than they would like and parents to a little more than what they think is ideal for their children. However, once boundaries are established it is much easier for children to stick to them without objectio
The trap of convenience
For better or for worse, while our children are busy in front of an electronic device, we are freed. It is not bad to allow our children to exceed the screen time limits, when we need to do something important that cannot be postponed, as long as this lenience does not become the norm.