Divorce and how to tell the kids

One of these difficult situations is divorce, when the couple decides to “go on separate ways.” Because it’s a very difficult decision that you certainly don’t take lightly, when there are children in the family, the couple goes through different phases. When the decision to separate is final, the next stage is how the new reality will be communicated to the children.

First of all, parents should be sure of their decision, before they say anything to the children. Of course, even if they later decide to reunite their family, there is still a way to communicate this to the children.

So, after the parents have made a final decision about the divorce, they should make a plan together before informing the children. The plan should include: who the children will stay with, when the other parent will see them, how the holidays will be shared, where each parent will live, when they will communicate and talk on the phone, if the children need to change residence and schools, etc.

Once these details have been decided, the discussion takes place with the children, preferably in the presence of both parents. During the conversation, no one blames the other parent and we reassure the children that we will always love them, that we will always be their parents and that of course it is in no way their fault that we are splitting.

There is no reason to bring the children into any discussion about finances, nor to “burden” them with possible difficulties of our own of this kind. Then we’re open to any kind of question, and of course, this is something that is likely to happen quite a bit over the next few days. Children need reassurance, no matter how old they are.

From that point and on, it is important to be careful not to refer to our ex-partner with accusations, even if we are talking to a friend on the phone.

It is hard to keep our composure in these kinds of situations, because, no matter what, there is also an emotional cycle that closes. But the most important thing to think about is what’s best for the children: to feel safe, to know that they will not be abandoned, that they are not to blame for anything and that parents remain parents forever.

And finally, mourn! Mourn the cycle of life that closes, even in front of the children. It’s okay to be skeptical and worried. Once you feel better and recover, you will have taught your children a great lesson: “It’s perfectly normal to be sad and angry, but at the end, a person will move on and continue to try to be happy.”