29 January 2024
Co-parenting
Reading time: 2′
The couple that decides to have a child usually has common values and ethics.
But we never forget that we come from two paternal families and we are certainly not identical people. Our methods converge somewhere and diverge somewhere. This may not be apparent with cohabitation, but it certainly begins to show with the arrival of a child.There we inevitably come face to face with similarities and differences, quite simply, because we both want the best for our child and sometimes we disagree on how to achieve it.
When the way we educate our child is similar to that of our partner, in terms of boundaries, physical needs, play, learning, etc., everything flows smoothly. And even one can complement the other in his absence.For example, on a difficult day, in something that makes it difficult for him, perhaps from some past experience. Thus, the child may not be confused or confused, or even characterize a parent as ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ Don’t forget that children by nature go to the one who will do them the most good.
But what happens when we disagree?
This can happen in two ways. One way is that we parent our child in a way that isn’t working and we both decide we need to change it, so we get the appropriate support from experts and follow through, or only one of us decides to do it and the other stays the way it is.So the child finds himself with a positive parenting parent and a more conventional parent. Don’t stress about it! The child sides with the positive parenting parent because they develop a warm bond and security, so inevitably the other parent follows this pattern, because they see before their eyes how well it all works.
Until that happens….
Until they both follow the same path they can co-decide some things which are as follows:
- When one tries to communicate/limit the child and sees that the situation is getting out of hand subtly tell the other parent to take over.
- At the time when another parent sees that the situation is getting out of hand, he should say to his partner: “Oh my love, I’ve got it, go take a bath and I’ll take care of the child.”
All this always, in consultation with one partner with the other, so that no misunderstandings arise.
Later, when the atmosphere is calmer, we can return to the conversation with our partner and tell him which way we are following or what else he could have done.
We try, as much as we can, to avoid conflicts in front of our children, because they create tension for them and they think they have to take someone’s side.
In the end, the way of connection, love, boundaries with empathy, self-regulation and not voices, punishments, timeouts, control and criticism always prevails.