12 December 2023
The more we chase after our children when we are out, the more they drift away
Reading time: 2,5′
A little boy went for a walk with his mom to the shops. As they shop windowed, he would stop at each window and stare for a while. The more mom called him, the slower he went. When at some point mom stopped somewhere to make a transaction, he put it on his feet and disappeared. Mom stopped what she was doing and ran after her son to catch up.Terrified, she found him behind a pillar and with an obvious look of concern told him NOT TO GO AWAY AGAIN BECAUSE SHE COULD LOSE HIM AGAIN!
This scenario plays out quite often when we are out with our kids. The image of the mother constantly chasing the little one is very typical and no one is impressed. But for mom this is especially exhausting. He knows that if he goes out with the children, he will not be able to do anything other than to constantly chase them so that he knows at all times where they are.
This need not always be the case.
Children love to keep parents busy and get attention. In the case of the boy, the little one has well trained his mom to constantly run after him and so, he plays a game of hide and seek every time they go out. He goes crazy seeing mom worried every time she loses him.
What can mom or dad do safely so that they are neither in danger of losing sight of the child nor running after him without stopping?
It's simple: stop running after him.
For the child, it is much more important to know where mom is, quite simply because he knows very well that without mom he cannot “stand.” It will be a while before the child can be independent and does not need the parents.
The next time the little one moves away, mom can stay put from a safe distance and just watch. When she leaves her little one’s field of vision she will see that the child will stop short, surprised that mom is not right behind him. The child will start looking for her.
If the mother stays out of range for a while she will see that the little one will start to get really worried. From the age of 3 and above, the child knows where it left mom and will return to the spot to look for her.
When the little one returns to the place where he left mom and does not find her, he is likely to burst into tears. Then mom can reappear casually going about her business as if nothing happened.When the child expresses concern about almost losing mom, mom can just say ‘I’m sorry we’re lost honey’ and leave it at that, without saying much.
Next time, the little one will make sure he knows where mom is at all times when they go out.
If your little one is used to moving away, you will need to move carefully the first time and, without losing sight of him, follow the above educational tactic.Usually after the first time, the child complies, but may forget and withdraw again. After 2-3 times he loses sight of you, he will make sure he knows where you are at all times.
It is one of those cases where many words are unnecessary. No preaching or threats are needed to convince the child to stay with us. After all, we may have tried these and seen that they don’t work.By ‘getting lost’ for a few minutes from the child’s field of vision, we help him understand immediately the needs of the situation: parents and children must stay together when they are out because the consequences of losing each other are particularly serious.