5 March 2024
Meditation and gratitude: a habit that enables seeing life through a different lens.
Reading time: 4,5′
Every day, we are faced with the challenge of dealing calmly and effectively with so many emotions that overwhelm us.
Of course, it is impossible to stay unaffected by what we feel, but at least there is a way that we can deal with our emotions without them weighing us down and making us overreact to everything, and often unfairly.
This way is mindfulness, which constitutes our attempt to intervene in our current feelings, in the present situation, without awakening old traumas (triggers) within us and to be able to fully experience what we are currently living. It is the way to turn to our inner self and realize exactly what is happening at that moment, without letting our emotions take us away. Every time you breathe deeply and feel the sensations in your body, you are practicing mindfulness, because you are gaining control of yourself and during tense moments you can use your pause button to stay unperturbed.
The benefits of mindfulness are twofold: first, we avoid extreme and unfair behaviors, and second, by experiencing our emotions as they happen, the latter dissipate and are not transferred into our subconscious emotional “baggage” where they will start proliferate.
Indicatively, this has the effect of:
- Lowering blood pressure
- Reducing stress and anxiety
- Improving the immune system
- The reduction of depressive symptoms
- The reduction of pain associated with chronic diseases
- Reducing emotional overeating
- Improving memory and concentration
- Increasing the sense of happiness and compassion, etc.
If for 20 minutes every day we could apply these kinds of techniques, our lives would change radically. But because 20 minutes is too much for someone who is a parent, 2 minutes to start and then 10 minutes a day is enough to get significant results if we are consistent every day until it becomes a healthy habit.
Basic Meditation
The simplest technique is basic meditation. As for the place, it would be good to have found a quiet place in the house that is also your fixed spot for meditation, just as it would also be beneficial to have a fixed time when you practice it.
- Sit comfortably in a position that is convenient for you, preferably not lying down, because it makes it difficult to concentrate.
- Observe yourself inhale and exhale. You don’t have to control your breath, just observe it.
- Embrace and surround yourself with love and ask yourself how you feel. Any thoughts and feelings are welcome.
- Become aware of your body sensations. Our emotions are embodied, so it’s helpful to listen to and understand our bodies.
- Don’t try to stop your thoughts or direct them. Just listen to them and let them go. No need to empty your mind.
- Our minds tend to wander. What we need to do is focus our mind to our body sensations. If necessary, focus again on our breathing.
- If the environment around you is noisy, try to notice and isolate it.
- You can also use a word or phrase that inspires and calms you (Mantras).
- You may feel itching or some other type of discomfort in your body. It’s okay to scratch yourself, but in the second year it’s nice to learn to resist, because it helps you control your impulsive emotions.
- At the end, stretch out and give yourself a hug.
You can start with guided meditation at first to make it easier to focus, and slowly work your way up to free meditation where it’s just you and your mind.
Helpful resources for guided meditation
- Dr. Kristin Neff – Self Compassion
- Tara Brach – Meditation, Emotional Healing, and Spiritual Awakening
- Jack Kornfield – Mindfulness, Meditation, Teachings
- Michelle Chalfant – Simple Psychology, Grounded Spirituality
Some types of meditation that are useful for parents
- Self Compassion Meditation
- Inner Child Meditation
- Self Forgiveness Meditation
- Forgiveness Meditation
- Body Scans
Another very quick technique is the 15 second check:
- Stop.
- Forget what you’re doing.
- Take a few deep breaths.
- Decide to be fully present.
- Ask yourself: How are you?
- Any answer you give is fine.
- Accept yourself exactly as you are right now.
- Give yourself a big hug.
Practicing gratitude
Researchers have proven that gratitude is a technique that makes us feel happier and healthier. The deeper gratitude we feel well, the more we get closer to the life we want. Gratitude, then, is effective because:
- The feeling of gratitude is very similar to the feeling of love. When you feel gratitude it’s like your heart opens up in blessing for what you have. No matter the hardship you go through, there will always be something to be thankful for.
- When we feel gratitude it is as if we focus on the positive aspects of our life while mitigating the intensity of negative emotions. The thoughts and feelings of inadequacy (“I’m not enough/or, I don’t have enough”) also attenuates.
- We program our subconscious to produce more of the things we value.
It is very helpful, for example, to write 10 things we are grateful for in our life, on a piece of paper.
Also, every night we can write down 3 things we feel grateful for. Research suggests that this can automatically induce happiness. If one day you face a difficult day with your child, you can write down 3 things that you feel grateful for and appreciate in your child.
We can take advantage of this technique and invite it to our child to apply it as well. It is very nice to express gratitude towards our child for something he did, something simple.
- “You tidied up your room nicely and now we can find everything”
- “I really appreciate you walking the dog”
- “I’m so glad you helped your brother with his handcraft.”
- “How nice that you shared your toys today and didn’t fight.”
- If all this is accompanied by a hug, it is enough to make our child happy.
This technique is also a training that enables us to see the positive side of things even in the moment of crisis.
- “Good thing he had an early morning tantrum at home, and we weren’t late for school.”
- “Thankfully he broke down at home and took out his anger over the fight with his friend.”
- “Being a parent is a difficult thing and I succeed because my child trusts me.”
Finally, it is very important to practice all these in front of your children, because this is a way for them to imitate them in the near or distant future. Gratitude is worth learning.
- “How nice that we have a yard and we can have a dog.”
- “It is very important to have a brother as you will always have someone to share common memories with.”